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It occurs to me that there are a million problems in people I know… - Donnie [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Mar. 6th, 2007|03:41 am]
It occurs to me that there are a million problems in people I know that I would like to fix, but why bring them to their attention when there are a million things I can fix about myself. Lets weigh the cost vs. benefits:

If someone, in any respective manner, points out what another is doing wrong (even with good intentions) what are the results?

-The person is diminished, they feel like they are being made inferior.
-Their pride is demolished; for why would they do the things seen as negative unless they thought they were just in doing so? (Al Capone, until the day he died believed he was a service man to the people. He believed everything he did was just.)
-They may retaliate, so as to defend their position - EVEN IF they know they know they are wrong, their pride is at stake and they will battle till death.
-If they ultimately admit that they are wrong, they will hold resentment towards the accuser and continue to believe as they always did.
-The accuser may feel just in terms of helping a friend, but ultimately the friendship/relationship is ruined and neither party has gained.

In not focusing on others faults (especially with good intentions):

-The person will better themselves by working to fix their own faults.
-They won't create enemies by depicting what is wrong with others.
-They will make friends with just about everyone they know - A friend always ignores your flaws.
-Just as you look up to your friends, they will lead as example, and others will learn to fix their problems themselves based on the example led. Not by being told what to do.

Every person I didn't like, or I have judged, has judged me at some point. Same goes for everyone.

I vow to henceforth do the best I can to never point out anothers flaw or speak ill of anyone. Furthermore I promise to do the best I can to make everyone I know aware of their good qualities. I ask that I be corrected when I don't live up to this, if you catch me, I'll give you 25 cents.

-Dwayne P Cullen

[User Picture]From: __fatherfucker
2007-03-06 11:33 pm (UTC)
i've ignored a lot of your flaws.
example: your dad is gay.
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[User Picture]From: __fatherfucker
2007-03-06 11:34 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: guywithstyx
2007-03-08 01:51 am (UTC)
And I really apprieciate that. Most people after I tell them my dad is gay say, "i'm going to kill you"

P.S. not really
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[User Picture]From: seespikerun
2007-03-07 08:29 am (UTC)
hey dare dwayne
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[User Picture]From: guywithstyx
2007-03-08 01:49 am (UTC)
hey dare awix
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[User Picture]From: opelsoccer
2007-03-08 10:11 pm (UTC)
by telling you that you aren't doing this wouldn't that person be correcting you and telling you of your faults?
So wouldn't that be kind of counterintuitive?

And i think if you tell someone of there faults in the right way, as a friend wanting to help better your friend it can be good. As long as the other person wants to better themself they should appreciate someone telling them that something they do is not for the better. But it is a tricky line and you don't always know how the other person will react. And "better" is also a perspective in many cases, so what you think it for the better may not be what they think is for the better. So basically this is a touchy/ possibly confusing topic and it changes person to person whether or not you can talk to them about they're faults.
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[User Picture]From: guywithstyx
2007-03-09 12:07 am (UTC)
What I was going to add, after asking people to point out when I'm wrong, is to complement me first, since I too have pride, but I deleted it.

I think if you have to find fault, but only if you have to, I think you should compliment first. The "say it with honey" idea.

And your right, it does change person to person, but I can't always discern the exact way to act around someone. So I think I've chosen a basis.

It good to see that you really considered what I wrote, thank you
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[User Picture]From: n1ghtcrawler
2007-03-12 07:52 am (UTC)
Al Capone also said, and I quote:
"You can get further with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word."
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From: (Anonymous)
2007-03-13 07:23 am (UTC)
wjp are you.. iam drunmkl
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